Blue Eyes, Not Gold Maybe
by JLeaf
Summary: Merlin gets sick, Arthur feels sorry. Bandits happens, and Arthur feels sorry even more. But he doesn't feel sorry after a while. Maybe. ****** Not good at summaries,, Whump included.


온새미로1- 질병 ( BBC Merlin )

× Blue eyes, not gold. Maybe. ×

Part 1.

JLeaf_

** Slight trigger warning..! There are some mentions of mental illness so people who are sensitive to those things (?) I recommend hitting the back button.

** There may be some scenes that are violent. Mentions of torture included.

** Characters may be a little OOC. It is my first fanfic, I don't know what is wrong and what is right..! XD

** There may be some spoilers, ( NO, there are spoilers ) but I'm not sure which season it is.

** English isn't my first language! (I'm Korean,,...) And this isn't beta-ed. So if there are any mistakes, feel free to let me know!

** This fanfic was supposed to be for my school club(?). But since it was written in English, I thought it would be a good idea to share it. Maybe I could earn some feedback..!

** Maybe a hint of slash, but no more than that.

** It's going to be a whumpy ride...

* * *

It should have been like all other days, Merlin coming in Arthur's room, waking him up, and giving him what Merlin called _breakfast._ With the same _old " you're getting fat. "._ But it was different for today. When Arthur woke up, it was at least lunch, and Arthur was very late.

" MeRliN-! "

Arthur shouted at the top of his lungs, so that any of the guards would hear him, and not think that Arthur cared for Merlin. However, it wasn't the guards that came in, it was Merlin himself. He was covered with sweat and looked.. a little off. But, Arthur didn't have time to look after Merlin.

" Do you know what time it is? Do you have any idea-, "

" 'm sorry sire "

When Arthur started to scold Merlin for being late and how much of an idiot he was, Merlin cut the king off. Arthur stopped talking, and just looked at Merlin with angry eyes at first, but this time there was a little concern in his eyes.

" Well, as you know what mistake you have made I won't put you in the stocks.. for now. But, you will have to do all of the things you were supposed to do this morning. Such as polishing my armor, bringing me breakf-, no, lunch, cleaning the floor and the walls,.. "

Merlin looked at Arthur with tired eyes as he went on with the list of things Merlin should have done and would have to do shortly. Arthur didn't notice Merlin's tired eyes, and went on with the list.

" ..., and lastly, don't be late. "

_I worry about you.,_ The part Arthur wanted to say the most didn't come out, only lingered in Arthur's head. It was actually very disturbing, not seeing Merlin when he was supposed to be at Arthur's side.

" ... Alright,.."

Not a single complain. No words such as '_clotpole'_ or _'dollop-head'_ that Merlin uses to describe Arthur. Now that was weird. Yes, Merlin was weird all the time but this was _weirder._ But before Arthur could say anything, Merlin was at the bed, tidying the blankets and the pillows.

Arthur left Merlin to tidy up his room, that was what Arthur wanted Merlin to do, ..right?

As Merlin was doing his work, Arthur had a chance to look at Merlin, while he was eating lunch.

Merlin was a little pale, well, paler than usual, and he looked a little pink in the cheeks. Those were the signs of a cold, even the king knew that, but looking at how Merlin was working, Arthur thought it wouldn't be a problem.

" If you're done, I want you to get us ready for a patrol. There have been sightings of bandits out in the forest, and we're going to see if it is true. It might be a false alarm, so only we are going in."

Merlin gave a short nod at Arthur's word and started polishing his armor. After having one last look at Merlin, Arthur went out of his room for some training.

After what seemed like a lot of training, Arthur came back to his room, all tidied up, unlike Merlin. This also was very suspicious and it made Arthur's mouth into a straight line but he just got on with it. Merlin would have told Arthur if he was sick, surely he wasn't that stupid.

Arthur went outside to see Merlin ready with his and Arthur's horse. Merlin was on his horse, ready to go to the forest with Arthur. Arthur got on his horse, waved carelessly to the guards and went into the forest with Merlin.

It was an awfully quiet ride, and just when Arthur had enough of Merlin's silence, he heard some rustling in the bushes. Arthur looked at Merlin automatically, and to see that he was okay, made Arthur relieved.

" Nothing to worry about, it's just some animals.. "

That was the first sentence that had been said throughout the whole ride. To make it the last, Merlin didn't say anything. That was enough for Arthur.

" Why aren't you saying anything, Merlin? Was it because I made you do a lot of work this morning? Are you sulking because you were late because I really don't care! Say something you idiot, like the Merlin I kn- "

Arthur shouted angrily at Merlin, and took one look behind him, only to find Merlin's horse staring stupidly at him.

" Merlin..? "

Arthur started to panic, he could hear his heartbeat in the eerie silence. Merlin could be anywhere, he didn't turn around after the rustling of the bushes. Sweat started to form on his hands. It was winter, and it was cold, it was nearly night.

" Merlin.! Answer me! Merlin! "

Arthur retraced his steps, trying to find Merlin before he was too late. His hands were stiff from the cold weather, but he couldn't give up, no, never. Not when Merlin could be anywhere, somewhere he wouldn't know about, lost. His eyes got misty when he couldn't find Merlin until night.

" Merlin! Where are you?! Mer- "

Thud. There was something under him, right in front of his feet. Hands shaking, Arthur looked down to find,

" MERLIN! "

Merlin lying on the grassy ground, eyes closed, shivering.

" Gods, Merlin. Wha-.. what.. "

Arthur tried to wake Merlin up, but when that didn't work, he seated Merlin in a more comfortable position, leaning on a tree.

Merlin was boiling, and was shivering a lot. Arthur put his thick cloak around Merlin, trying to warm him up, or make him better.

He sighed, scolding himself for not noticing Merlin's state of health. Merlin's brow was on fire, and it made Arthur more worried.

" Okay.. .."

He sighed again, not exactly knowing what to do. His mind was blank, trying to think of what Gaius would have done. No, his mind was racing in panic, getting worried for Merlin as seconds went by.

" ... Umm... Merlin..? "

No response. It was Arthur's job alone to take care of Merlin. Arthur ripped a part of his clothing, soaked it with water, and put it on Merlin's brow. It was still on fire, gosh the clothing was already getting warm, but Arthur couldn't think of anything else to do to help Merlin.

Arthur looked at Merlin, so vulnerable, so.. fragile, yet.. very,..

What was he even thinking about? Merlin was just a manservant. With amazing loyalty, cowardliness, clumsiness, friendliness..,

.. Was Merlin really just a servant? Nothing more? Really?

While Arthur was questioning his relationship with Merlin, Merlin had woken up, apparently, because he was trying to take in his surroundings.

" .. A-Arthur..? "

The soft but yet cautious voice of Merlin was heard behind Arthur. Arthur looked at that direction, finding Merlin looking at him with eyes glazed with pain, discomfort, and tiredness.

" Yes, it is me_, you clotpole_. Why didn't you say that you were ill? "

Arthur asked Merlin with a strong but careful accent while going over to him and making him more comfortable. Arthur sat beside Merlin, hoping that he would help Merlin warm up more quickly, even though there was a fire in front of them. Merlin looked at Arthur, maybe trying to speak, or make sense of Arthur's words, but he seemed to have failed because he just stared at Arthur.

This sight only made Arthur panic. Why wasn't Merlin talking? Was it that bad?

" Merlin? Can you hear me? "

Arthur said in his best _you-must-listen-to-me-because-I-am-your-king_ voice. This time Merlin seemed to know Arthur was there because he was looking at Arthur while trying to speak. Only whispers Arthur could not understand came out, but Arthur was glad that Merlin had tried to talk. That put a little bit of panic away from Arthur, but not all of it.

" Um.. We'll have to get you to Gaius, surely he'll know what's wrong with you, right? So.. if we are to get there by midnight, you'll have to stand up for me. "

_If you can._ Another unspoken sentence. Arthur was very worried for Merlin, he was the one that made Merlin get out of the castle and go on a trip with Arthur. Plus, there were the bandits that they were supposed to look for, Arthur was now hoping that the bandits were a lie. Meeting bandits with Merlin's state wasn't going to end well.

" Come on, don't be such a lazy head, will you? Now, get up. "

Even though Arthur said these things to Merlin as if he were an obstacle, Arthur helped Merlin stand on his feet, and checked Merlin one last time. Both of their horses were gone, why were they always gone in times like this? and Merlin was sick.

A sigh escaped Arthur's mouth, and he mostly carried Merlin back to Camelot. Neither said a word, only Merlin's whimpers filled with pain were to be heard. At other times, Arthur would have called Merlin a girl, but even he knew it wasn't the time for this. He had to get back to Camelot, before Merlin-.. got worse or something.

" We're almost there Merlin, it would be really great if you helped me. " Arthur said to Merlin, who to Arthur's silent dismay, didn't react or move whatsoever. Merlin seemed to become heavier and heavier on Arthur's shoulders, but Arthur didn't have a choice but to move on. Arthur clenched his teeth, his arms felt like they were about to fall off, but Arthur didn't stop, or even rest. It was his fault that Merlin was so far away from Gaius, he shouldn't have made Merlin come with him even when he knew Merlin was in such a bad state.

" ...You're really not any help here. "

Arthur said to Merlin, hoping Merlin would answer him and say something to defend himself, but all that came back was a rustle from the bushes. At first, Arthur thought it was another wild animal, after all, he was walking in a forest after all.

But the rustle came again, and just when Arthur looked around,

" Oof-!"

There was a big whump, and it sent Arthur and Merlin down to the floor. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, the ground was hard, not the mossy type of ground. Arthur stood up, only to find some bandits surrounding him and Merlin.

_" Shit. "_

And with a piercing pain in the head, Arthur's world went black.

Arthur groaned as he opened his eyes, his head felt like he bumped into a tree, just like Merlin-,

_Merlin._

Where was he now? Arthur looked around frantically, concerned of his sick ser-, friend. It didn't do much good, all he could see were the dirty walls of- an attic? He could even see rat droppings, a little bit of hay, chains connected to his wrists, and blood.

Blood? Who's? Arthur touched his head, where the throbbing pain was, and winced. Yes, it hurt very much and there was a little bit of blood oozing out, but it wasn't as much as the blood and the cold, cold floor. Where was Merlin at times like this? Had he gotten out? What was Merlin doi-

The door creaked and two bandits were to be seen. Arthur tried to question them, ask them why he was here, ask them of Merlin, but he never got the chance. Because just then, they threw an unconscious Merlin on the floor, right beside Arthur. Merlin landed on the floor with a thump, and Arthur looked at the bandits angrily.

" Why'd you do that for? Can't you see that he is sick? "

The bandits just looked at him, and left, closing the door behind them without a word. Arthur looked at the door, the anger still lingering inside of him. Then he turned around, seeing Merlin on the floor in a heap.

" Merlin? Can you hear me? "

Arthur tapped Merlin lightly on the face, hoping Merlin would respond, but Merlin was still asleep, or Arthur hoped he was sleeping. He checked Merlin for any injuries, looking through his body and clothes. And to Arthur's dismay, there were several injuries. Small cuts on his left arm, a little cut on his neck, and some traces of flogging.

Flogging. To his manservant, to his friend. Arthur huffed in disbelief, shocked at what the bandits did to Merlin. He was his closest friend, and there he was, on the floor out cold, all because Arthur had made Merlin come along with him. And what had Arthur said? Not a single apology or sign of gratitude, but words of irritation, and anger.

Arthur sighed, placed Merlin in a more comfortable position in front of him, and stroked Merlin's hair. Merlin was shivering in Arthur's hands, it was winter after all. His breaths came out in wheezing gasps, uneven and disturbing.

" Shh.. it's all right, Merlin. I'll get both of us out of here. I promise. "

Arthur kissed Merlin lightly on the forehead, trying not to flinch at Merlin's high temperature. He kept his lips there, screw all of his father's words, Arthur _was_ worried for Merlin.

Arthur woke up, blinking his eyes to get used to all of the sudden light. He must have fallen asleep, assuming that it was morning. But it was still bloody cold, and Merlin was still hurt, seemingly unmoving in front of Arthur. But, there was the regular fall of Merlin's chest, and that meant Merlin was alive, at least.

" Merlin? Can you hear me? "

Arthur went next to Merlin and called for Merlin again. His heart ached to see Merlin's bright, beautiful blue eyes, for not seeing them for nearly two days. Merlin seemed to make a small grunting noise, and slowly, opened the eyes Arthur had longed to see.

" Merlin..! Can, can you hear me? "

Arthur was glad that Merlin had made a sound, and had opened his eyes. He tried to hide the emotions he felt toward Merlin, the king shouldn't be worried about a servant. Even though Merlin's eyes were hazed and glossy, it was still an improvement from yesterday. Merlin looked at Arthur, and frowned.

" W-What happened? "

Merlin tried to raise his hand to touch his head, but failed to do so because of the lack of strength. He was so tired, didn't know where he was, and.. and..

His body ached all over, his voice was raspy, and this place was so filthy.

" Umm.. we., got caught by., bandits. ..and.. you got hurt. "

Arthur told Merlin the truth hesitantly, but Merlin had seemed to understand. He let out a little ' ahh ' noise and nodded his head a bit. Arthur didn't like what Merlin was doing, Merlin's job was to serve Arthur, not get hurt instead of Arthur!

" Well, Merlin, how about we try to get out of here? "

Arthur said, trying to lighten up the air. Yes, he was worri-, no, concerned for Merlin but all the seriousness didn't go well with Merlin. Merlin was cheeky, who always had a stupid grin on his face, but seeing him like _this,.._ no, it wasn't right.

" 'kay.. "

Came Merlin's shaking voice, and as if it was a signal, Arthur looked around, trying to find a way out while keeping Merlin close to him, as if he would disappear if Arthur didn't keep him close. The room looked old, but it was made entirely of stone so breaking the walls apart wasn't an option.

The only way out was the door in front of them, which was securely locked. It was impossible to open it from the inside, well, without the keys. Arthur then tried to find something to help their escape, but failed to do so. There was barely anything in the room, except for dead rats and insects.

Just then, the door opened, and Arthur looked at the direction of the metal door. Two bulky men came in, picked Merlin up like a dead animal ( Merlin was dead weight to them), undid Arthur's chains and took Arthur with them, too.

Arthur tried to get out of their grasp but when nothing worked, he decided to blame the lack of food in his body. Merlin and Arthur were brought to another room, a bigger one, but still made of stones. There, they were chained again, but only to the floor, maybe just in case, they tried to escape.

" What do you want from us, no, what do you want from me? Let Merlin go, he's just a servant. "

Right after Arthur was chained, he shouted to the bulky people to keep Merlin safe. Well, at least tried to. The people, bandits, Arthur thought, didn't seem to care about what Arthur had to say, instead, they were whispering while shooting several glances at Merlin. Arthur looked at the bandits and Merlin simultaneously, with a hint of worry in his eyes. It wasn't a difficult task, figuring out what they would do.

The bandits went away, maybe to alert someone, or maybe even to get tools. Tools to..

The movement of something beside Arthur stopped his thoughts. Arthur looked at that direction, to find Merlin looking at him with bleary eyes. There was evident confusion in his eyes, but it was soon changed into relief when he found Arthur. Arthur sighed shakily, maybe because Merlin seemed okay than before, or maybe because he could see the bright blue eyes again.

" This is all your fault. What kind of person is stupid enough to hide the fact he is ill? "

Arthur said, trying to lighten up the air. Merlin chuckled weakly, although it ended in a wheeze, and rolled his eyes at Arthur.

" Maybe if you weren't such a prat, I could have told you earlier. "

Merlin frowned at the sound of his voice but at Merlin's shaking response Arthur smiled a bit, now things were getting normal. The breath Arthur didn't notice holding came out as a sigh. Arthur turned around and tried to undo his chains, but it didn't seem to budge.

" Trying to undo them, 'eh? Well, you're out of luck. They look old but they are very strong, I can tell you that. You'll never get out without the keys. "

Three bandits came in while talking to Arthur and Arthur turned again at their voices, and his eyes widened. Not at the fact that they were really bulky, but at the sight of.. tools. The torturing kind. Knives, blunt and sharp, various kinds of poisons, buckets of water, and thick ropes.

The image wasn't hard to imagine, Arthur knew perfectly well how those tools were used. At a knight, yes, but at a servant, Merlin? No, never. It just wasn't right, Merlin getting hurt in front of him and being satisfied with it.

" What are you trying to do? Tell. Me. What are you going to do? "

Arthur said to the bandits as they came closer and closer to him and Merlin. Merlin looked at Arthur with, something he couldn't recognize in his eyes. The bandits scoffed at Arthur's words and kept on walking. Instead of going to Arthur, they walked to Merlin, much to Arthur's dismay.

" What are you doing? I'm here, you idiots! Leave. Him. Alone. He's just a servant, nothing more! "

Arthur babbled frantically, trying to make their attention shift to himself. But, no, the bandits didn't even look at Arthur, they just ignored him and grabbed Merlin's hair. Merlin cried out in pain, and it made Arthur wince.

" You're the king, and he's just a servant. We can do whatever we want with him, right? "

The bandits said while holding Merlin's hair, smiling every time he cried out in pain. First, Arthur just looked, but as time went by, he couldn't get himself to listen to Merlin's cries anymore.

" Alright, that's enough. Stop that right now, that's an order. Do it to me instead. I'll give you anything you want. Tell me what you need. "

Arthur said, after biting his lip so hard that he could taste blood. He hoped that they would listen to him and leave Merlin alone. But, no, they only sneered at Arthur and stayed at Merlin's side.

" We want nothing! We were bored and, we found you guys. We figured that you guys would make great toys, and listening to your servant is highly entertaining!"

Arthur could only watch as they plunged Merlin's head into a bucket filled with water. Arthur wanted to scream, shake his chains off and help Merlin, but couldn't find the strength to do so.

He just _watched. Watched _as his best friend struggled and convulsed to take a breath. Or maybe because of the lack of breath. It was a sickening sight, Arthur wanted to throw up, but he couldn't find the strength, his mind was blank, he felt like drowning-,

And then a wet, desperate gasp snapped Arthur out of his trance. Merlin was slumped on the floor heaving and coughing, an alarming amount of water coming out and pooling below him.

Arthur wanted to go and help, but he couldn't, his feet were all chained up, pulling him away from who was tortured with water because of him, away from the person who was sick, away from his friend. All Arthur could do was to say,

" It's alright, Merlin, everything is going to be okay. I'm h, here. I've got you. "

And Merlin, _the idiot_, seemed to become more comfortable with the presence of Arthur and his voice. Merlin was still coughing, deep and wet ones, the ones that were never good, but he seemed to be happy that he kept Arthur safe, that it was him instead of Arthur.

Arthur, tried hard not to cry.

And it was only just the beginning.

* * *

THE CRINGE.

okay that was my first shot..!

Not sure if anyone would read it tho..

..Don't.. care... ( sniffles )

Feel free to comment about my mistakes..!


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